When love finally strikes, or is it a phase?

I was looking for love to happen but somehow it never did. I told myself I was too young to fall in love and Mr. perfect is not perfect yet. Time passed and anxiety grew. False feelings took over sometimes but deep down I knew they were not true. Then I come here, a place where love is. I wasn’t myself this much before, never knew I could be the object of desire too. I feel these feelings, not of loving someone, but being loved by someone. Maybe this time love has struck. It flows from many hearts and not one of them entirely mine.  It is abundant and pure and yet; not love at all.

When love comes, it comes in full force, doesn’t it? I don’t think it is love then. It feels a lot like love but it keeps holding back, never a step more, never less. I see how big of a deal it would be if it actually happened but smooth still. Why then this feeling keeps growing and shrinking? All of my assumptions challenged, all those values reconsidered. If it is the thing, it sure is not like how I’d like it to be. It asks difficult questions and demands clear answers. How am I to let it all go? Maybe all those years have made me desperate, maybe love isn’t anywhere after all. Maybe I’m overthinking for no reason and maybe I should stop. Just stop.

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