weeds and flowers

The white ones are the weeds that grow in my backyard. I used to hate them because they are growing like crazy, create skin problems if touched and don’t let other plants grow. I still don’t like them, but I have come to the understanding that I can’t remove them completely. I can not ‘control’ when and where they grow but I can limit their extent. And I have come to appreciate their beauty. These are notoriousĀ but beautiful, in a way that naughty kids are.

There is no hidden message in this post if you were expecting one. I just love to share pictures! Have a good day.

-Sn.

Let the battle go on

I am sitting here in the conflict of what should be and what could be. I always dreamt of a life in sync with my values. I was so sure of what my values were, I thought I knew what I wanted. A partner, a career, and healthy relationship with my family. Then I entered this world. It is familiar in the sense that I had seen it from afar and always longed to be a part but it feels so different now that I am here. I wanted assurance, I wanted to be in my bubble. This world has burst that bubble. It has opened my eyes to what could be and now I can’t seem to go back.

I am stuck somewhere in between with both sides presenting their case, making their point. There is no right or wrong, it is a question of what I really want. I still want the same things, but I don’t know what those things mean, the details. Do I want to live here or abroad? Do I want a career in research or run a business of my own? I don’t know what side I am on. I don’t know how to translate my values to a feasible lifestyle. I could do the traditional, lead the life I imagined before I came here. That has security and I know how to handle it. But I no longer know if I want to. The other life, the one that could be, is also full of things that I have accepted and I know how to lead. It has a wild side to it, it hasn’t been tested. I don’t know how that would turn out. It can damage me in ways that leave me very different person. But then again, the traditional is like a slow poison. I don’t know what to choose.

After countless sleepless nights, I have decided to give up control. I am not in a position to make a decision and I am not supposed to. I would rather sit here in silence and observe, do what I do best. I will take life as it comes. Let life be the endless string of small decisions rather than one big one that paralyzes me. I shall let time decide what course to take. I will let the battle go on.

People, Places and Ideas

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. -Eleanor Roosevelt

I’ve recently made a new friend. She just barged in one day and started blabbering about some annoying guy. I listened, gave her some advice. Then I tried to change the topic to the weather. Didn’t work. I tried to steer the conversation in other directions too but it seemed like she wasn’t interested. We were back to that guy.

I’ve always wondered about the quote above. I think it is true in principle, but not in practice. Most of my relationships with people are centered around other people. The friend above, for example, is my friend because she shares her ‘people problems’ with me. I mostly talk to my mom about my friends, food or the weather. The only people I discuss ideas exclusively are my teachers or online communities. With strangers, I mostly discuss events, like the weather or politics etc. I think this is the case with most of us.

It is not like I never have “meaningful conversations” with my friends. We do. We discuss things like how sexuality can be fluid or how the underworld works etc. Sometimes we curse the government, other times admire the cleaning staff. But the point is, that happens once in a while. Most of the times we talk about other people. And I think that is healthy. You cannot survive without sharing some of your ‘personal’ feelings/thoughts about other people with your confidants.

I used to judge myself a lot based on that quote. I don’t anymore. I think it is ironic that it suggests judgment of people based on what they discuss with you. Maybe that person is full of ideas but your perspectives are vastly different. Maybe he is just too shy to say his ideas out loud. And even if none of that is the case, you cannot dismiss someone just because they talk about people. After all, the interaction between humans (after food etc.) is one of the most basic aspects of humanity. All ‘ideas’ start from there.

I like the following quote more:

People like to discuss people. People sometimes like to talk about events, sometimes about ideas. The third part happens rarely, between like minded people, and is how we bring change. However we need to discuss people and events to keep our sanity.

No mind is great or small, it is the interactions that are different. They can be informative, fulfilling, uplifting, upsetting, productive, unproductive etc. among a million other things and are all part of the human experience.

-Sn.

Favorites this week: August 1 – August 8

In lieu of me beginning a new chapter in life (just joined grad school) I’m kicking off August with a fresh start. Only one recommendation for this week: Reset to zero.

I agree with the author’s idea completely, only want to add one point that we should also reset our mindset/thoughts. I keep Sundays free of work (as in no studying/checking mails etc.) It is harder than you think, with the constant fear of missing out but it is worth it. Just a single day without any obligations (work/study) recharges me fully for the week ahead. Especially for students like me, there are no set work-hours and we are expected to do a lot (more so in grad school) with all the classes, self-studying, exams, social gatherings, dating etc. etc. It becomes essential to have breaks otherwise the stress piles over and leads to depression and anxiety. Anyway I can ramble on but here is the message: RESET.
I’m off to my break. bye!

See previous posts here
Love
~Sn.